The Real L Word – Season 2, Episode 3
Watching the third episode…it starts with Cori and Kacy…the too cute for words married couple who are trying to start a family…purchasing sperm. Dude, $2,000 for only 3 tries? DAAAAYUUUUMMM! And to think that dumb, drunk heteros give the shit away…but I digress.
Cut to Claire and Francine…I’m not even touching this one…trying to live with someone you used to fuck is NEVER a good idea! But us lesbos…well, we seem to think its worth a shot. And another one. And some more times…no matter how FUCKED it is, we will try it. Someone always ends up getting hurt…usually AFTER you hook up again against all better judgement.
OK, now it’s baby dyke Sadjah and her ‘bois’ at the salon…talking about how she’s never had any kind of relationship…gag.
Whitney is in SF…haha…oh man. Side note: when I met her last summer her like PA (lackey, whatever you want to call it) tried to invite me back to the hotel she was staying at after the party and I was like, uhm…no thanks! Do I think it was an invite to hook up? Who knows. We talked tattoos and that was pretty much it. I wasn’t fawning over her like every other drunk slut that was there that night…and let me tell you, I saw lots of tits I NEVER wanted to see that night!
Ah yes…Romi and Kelsey…oh man…how much have I definitely been in that situation…on either side of the Romi coin. Both the being the main provider and taking care of someone emotionally and financially, and then being on Kelsey’s end where you date someone who when they get alcohol in them, they do stupid, hurtful shit they ‘don’t remember’…ARGH! But seriously…asides from showing that unlovely side of the lesbo party/club scene…they are the epitome of couples that burn out so fast sexually…LBD does NOT have to exist people! Kelsey is getting schwastey…kind of obnoxious. Maybe I’m just weird because I’m not a big drinker (but I CAN be…and that’s what scares me) but c’mon ladies! Stop the rampant ‘I can’t deal sober’-ness for one ep?
Back to Whit in SF at this massive party revolving around her favorite thing…her! All these women basically throwing themselves at her. She’s talking about how girls always come up to smell her hair? LOL…ok, I definitely think maybe some people are curious about the dreads…but really, its more an excuse to get close to her and try to get in her panties. PS, when I met her, I didn’t think she smelled all that great. She smelled of cigarettes and Bud Light…not exactly sexy to me. I WILL say that I find Whit’s Alpha-ness is a turn-on…I wish I could meet a woman who is that sexually aggressive…but that’s another night and another story.
Oooh…Sara…now she is yumm! Craaaaaazy, but sexy for sure! Sara has hooked up with Whit and Romi so far on this show last season…now she’s back and forth with some girl Hana in NYC and she fucked Whit again in this season…oooh…now she’s trying to get her hooks into this chica Erika…ha! Oh fuck Whit is gonna be not so happy when she finds out…
OK yo…Sadjah is trying to find a bigger apartment with this girl she JUST started seeing like 2 days ago…Oh man…just perpetuate the bad stereotypes about dykes a little more, shall we? I don’t even think she’s fucked this Chanel girl yet…but her mom is straight out buggin’ over the fact that her daughter is a dyke and not hiding it on…wait for it…her Facebook! Come on people! Again, we are living in 2011, not 1911…
SF again…because really, this should just be called The Whitney show…Whit clearly had sex with this Jack girl she had had a fling with previously…Whit is being whiney (shocker) and then after Jack leaves her in the hotel room, she tells the camera that being with Jack is very ‘pleasant’. Is this a compliment?
Claire is attempting to land a gig in the fashion industry in LA. She worked for Calvin Klein in NYC…oh, and she sorta has an Asian flame in LA (Francine her ex whom she’s currently living with) and then Vivian, her Asian NYC girlfriend. This girl is actually so far the one with the LEAST drama through this episode. She kind of realized she was pissing off Francine by talking to or about Vivian anywhere near her, so now she’s relegated her chat sessions with her to parking on the side of the highway at a scenic overlook…owned! Vivian did NOT say I love you back…whoops! Claire better watch it or she won’t have any Asians to sleep with soon!
Sadjah and Chanel in the car yapping about Sadjah’s mom…’I’m not gonna take dick because you want me to,’ Fucking priceless…can we talk about how epic that would be if anyone actually ever said that to their mom?
SF. Again. Oh, the Mission District and The Castro…I really need to go there at some point in time. OK, so Rachel tagged along with Whit’s roommate Alyssa to go visit. Rachel is yet another one of Whit’s exes and she says right off the bat she wants to sleep with Whit in her hotel. Everyone figured Rachel would sleep with Whit, Whit’s bugging because she wants to keep shacking up with Jack in her hotel in SF. Alyssa is probably my favorite woman on this show and she’s not even gay…but she says it like it is and has maybe the best head on her shoulders. Rachel and Jack meet up…dun dun dun…Rachel now is all ‘woe is me’ because she realized Whit and Jack probably banged…well ladies, there is always the option of a threesome! (PS, I’m actually digging the level of sex they’ve been showing this season thus far)
Cori and Kacy again. They are throwing an insemination party? Seriously. For real. They drop the S bomb that they bought sperm. Coughs around the room. Kacy’s sister arrives…she’s like the exact opposite of Kacy. She says ‘you swallow it’ in regards to what you do with sperm. Yuck. Cut to everyone cooing over the photo of the donor. Kory’s sister agrees to be the child’s godmother…saccharine sweetness all around.
Romi and Kelsey again. At a dinner party. Romi is freaking because it’s her first night out with friends being sober. They are doing random sex questions at the dinner table. Romi laments that she doesn’t know how to be herself sober. She only knows how to be herself drunk. This is one of my least favorite things about being gay. Lots of people who are gay don’t seem to know how to BE without alcohol or drugs. Maybe I’m just weird because I’m a little off the charts energetic and spunky without any outside influence.
Sadjah and Chanel are going on their first ‘real’ date alone. They’ve become so symbiotic so fast. Yikes…I forsee nothing but trouble in their future. Chanel talks about how she always falls head over heels and she loves how much Sadjah is into her. So then Sadjah does this whole build up to asking Chanel to be ‘official’ and be her girlfriend…she does it via a note. Super cute…actually something I definitely did when I was like 19. Aaaaand she bought her a necklace? Sheesh! Where’s my woman buying me jewelry on a first ‘real’ date?
Oh hey, lets jump back to SF…Rachel is bitching about the Whitney situation. Alyssa is trying to explain that Whit is Whit and is doing her. Rachel basically is stating that she intends to go to the club and whore around to make Whit jealous…good play. With how egotistical Whit can be, that might work in her favor.
Romi is upset at the club because she’s sober and everyone else is drinking. Kelsey is once again buzzed. Romi is upset because Kelsey apparently is never as affectionate or honest with her when she’s sober.
SF at a gay bar…oh man…Rachel and Jack are getting buddy-buddy. Cut to Whit in her hotel seeming all pensive. She decided to stay in because she feels overwhelmed and confused. She opens up a little about her addictive personality…she seems to think she has a girl problem. She says she doesn’t want to bring Jack into her shit because she’s ‘a good girl’.
Romi drives home with Kelsey and calls her out on being drunk. Romi is apparently seeing a whole ‘nother side to everything being sober. Kelsey wants to bang, Romi puts her foot down because she feels like it wouldn’t be right. Kelsey basically demands it, then goes into the ‘you don’t want me to find someone else, do you?’ Way to be wicked passive aggressive. She wants sex. Sex, sex, sex. Lady, I feel you, but it is NOT OK to only want sex when you’re wasted…bet Romi gives in…now they’re home and sitting on the bed talki…oh, look at that…kissing…wait for it…wait for it…NAKED! Ha…I can so call these things…and wow! Scissoring? Really? Haha…yes! Ladies, we have a sex marathon, replete with squirting! FABULOUS!
SF, again. Whit realizes geography doesn’t cure everything and she can’t run away from her lady love issues…
Romi and Kelsey; the morning after. Post coitial blissfulness in bed. Sex really can and does make you feel better about things ladies!
Whit’s back home in LA…and goes to see Sara. Here we go again…Sara is giving it to Whit straight about how toxic they both have been for each other. Whit wants Sara to apologize to her for Hana…but hold up sweetheart, don’t forget about your many dalliances! Sara tells Whit she wanted to be her GF, but Whit can’t let her in. Sara says she wants to process things…Whit seems likes she’s trying to lay it on the table for Sara to take. Now Whit gets fed up with talking about things. God these two are so TOXIC. ‘I think we’re mutually addicted to each other.’ Brilliance! You think? Gade out on the two of them making out…
Wow…this show is so predictable and yet still so entertaining! Or maybe it’s only entertaining because I am yet again in a perpetual state of singledom? Meh.
Naked 