NSFW – And If I Need To Explain That One To You…
OK, So I know it’s coming a few days late, but I did want to take some time to write a thoughtful post about something very near and dear to my heart. The lesbian sex act deemed so obscene, it cannot be shown on film and be sold within the US, or the publishers of such works will 100% face prosecution.
What could be so awful that it can’t be shown on film? What is this forbidden act? Is it strap-on anal? Nope. Piss play? Nada. It’s actually something I consider to be quite tame and very, very satisfying in a physical, mental and especially emotional way.
Fisting.
Yep. You read that right. Fisting will get porn producers in a shit-ton of trouble. And for you gay boys out there, you might call it hand-balling.
The simple act of wanting a more full connection between partners…an ultimately deeply trusting connection…is enough to get cuffs slapped on (Not in the good way!).
Obscenity laws still really suck. As was pointed out in many posts about the topic during International Fisting Day (October 21st, mark your calendars for next year!), it’s perfectly legal to depict a woman being spit-roasted, with a cock in her mouth, one in her pussy and two or more in her ass. But, to show a performer tucking their thumb in and slide her hand satisfyingly into her lover’s quim (I fucking love that word) is reason to panic.
Now, I will admit to having freaked out a partner or several by my request to have this act performed, and I know maybe to some people it really is an odd sex act, but I find it no more bizzare than my hetero friends find letting their male partners ejaculate inside of them. To me its a natural progression in the art of lesbian (and sometimes in my case trans/gender neutral friendly) love-making.
There are a few sex acts I consider expressions of trust and a deeper emotional connection. For me personally, performing oral sex on someone is a huge one. As is allowing someone deeply inside me with their whole hand. The last in the trifecta is the use of sex toys and/or strap-ons…and that one is more because of my admittedly limited experience with them.
Anyone can ‘fingerbang’ (as one of my straight guy friends like to call it) their sex partner, but it takes a serious level of trust, patience, and a whole lot of being turned way the fuck on to accomplish something as wonderful as taking your lover’s hand inside of you, or feeling yourself welcomed into your lover’s body. No, it’s not an everyday activity, nor an every partner one…to me anyway. But it certainly isn’t more strange than Japanese pee and orgasm torture porn or pony play or scat queens.
I certainly don’t feel it warrants such obscenity scrutiny.
Oh, and another thing…for you skeptics out there who are sure it’s really painful and destroys your honey-pot (another term I love!), it doesn’t and it doesn’t.
I urge anyone who had an ‘Ew that’s fucking gross’ reaction to this post, to stop and swallow your fear. Who knows, maybe this will embolden someone to have their partner trim their nails, pull out the lube and slap on a glove!
Naked 
This is something I have never done, nor do I desire to do it, But I dont think its gross. The first time I heard the term I was utterly disgusted… the thought of a whole hand in my vag seemed horrific and made me cross my legs in fear. But one night I was talking to my college roommate and she explained that its totally not like the way you think it would be. From what she described, its just as you describe it.
I agree that certain sex acts are very personal. I too waited a long time to perform/receive oral sex from a partner. The only person that I have ever done it with is my wife, and it took us about 6 months of being together for me to be comfortable enough with it. If im being completely honest, I still dont like getting it… but I fucking love giving it. It was actually liberating the first time that it happened… to feel that close with someone is a magical thing and when it happens, its beautiful.
I dont think fisting is in our future. We are both obese and have a hard enough time getting the energy for having sex as it is. (sorry for the tmi) … But we are on the track to losing weight and if it happens, it happens. We have tried anal penetration, which she hates, but I dont mind a “fingerslip” occasionally.
I appreciate you posting about such a personal topic. Fisting and other sex acts are things that people dont talk about, and they should. How are we supposed to grow as sexual beings if we cant discuss things? Right? …. she would kill me if she saw this… ha ha ha.
I think I felt compelled to post about it, not only due to the fact that simply showing such an act on film can get porn producers in major trouble, but because I guess I’m a little tired of being seen as kind of innocent sexually.
Its sort of funny, either people assume because I’m a Scorpio and friendly that I’m a slut, or I get pigeon-holed with people I’ve dated into taking on a certain role or being seen as weird for things I would like to try or do more often.
Up until the last woman I dated, I had basically zero experience with strap-ons…I had theoretical knowledge from watching great Indie Queer porn and from reading up on it so I would know how to be safe when it finally happened. When it did happen, it wasn’t quite how I had pictured it, but I made do, and got to experience something totally hot I never knew I would like.
Anal sex is another biggie women just don’t like to talk about. Which I find hilarious because I went to a Catholic high school and certain girls were known to only do anal because they wanted to stay virgins. Yes. That is a true statement! I’ll be honest, its something that I’ve been curious about since I was 14, and things happen when you get hot and heavy and slippery. I don’t know I would embrace the full-on experience like my gay guy friends, but I won’t rule it out completely either. So far, so good with what has happened! ; )
I am a sexual person. I’m also a sensual person. I spent far too much of my life being shy about communicating about sex, and I feel like I’ve missed out on lots of opportunities for great sex because of it. If we look at my track record the past five years, I sometimes worry my days of passion are behind me…but I have hope I’m going to meet someone as equally passionate, emotional, sensitive, sexual, sensual, and energetic as I am. And then I will be walking around with a constant glow and all will be right in the world! =)
Also, I know you guys are both trying to lose weight…there are some awesome Indie Queer porn stars that are larger women and they look like they might be having more fun than their skinnier cast mates. Don’t sell yourselves short! Lots of companies make toys and harnesses and things for your demographic. So go forth and fuck your wife at will!
ive known you for a while… years i think right? and ive seen you in a few relationships. (and for the record, ive miss you horribly on twitter ever since you left)… I do not think that your days of passion are behind you at all! I think your days of passion are just in front of you. I know you are gonna find someone fantastic who is going to give you back just as much love as you give them someday. You are an amazing person and the right girl is out there and she will be lucky to have you. And i hope those in your past come to someday regret ever having ended their relationship with you.
As far as the whole anal thing goes… theres no way id ever be able to handle anything like my gay boys do. I give them credit! Personally im talking about a pinky, and thats it. And its only happened a few times and it has to be at the right moment or its just odd. When I first asked for it, it was in the moment, and Jen was totally thrown off her game… totally killed the sex that night because she was so taken back. lol.
Weve tried the strap on thing… and the thigh harness, but we would rather just do it the old fashioned way.
Ive been kind of avoiding sex recently because im going through some internal struggles that im not comfortable enough to tell her about yet. So its been a while… but i promise i will fuck her at will. š
I got tired of Twitter and the drama. I created a new account, but I hardly ever use it.
I know I’ve made some poor choices dating-wise the past 5 years. I guess sometimes I get very pensive and question if I should have tried to make it work with K 5 years ago instead of buckling under and walking away. I know it was 100% the best thing to do for me at the time, I guess I just didn’t think it would be this hard to meet ANYONE.
I know I need to be patient. I’m doing my best to use all of this time to figure myself out better, I just want the payoff, you know?
Also, this whole year minimum between even kissing someone kind of blows too, lol!