Lick Your Wounds…
Swallowing my pride. Acknowledging that I am not happy with where I am personally or professionally. Sucking it up and admitting that I need to stop hoping for anything more from 2011 and just look ahead to 2012.
2012.
Man. I really thought things would be different heading into it. I thought for sure I would at least have been on a date in 2011. Nope. Not a one. No dates. No kisses. No lingering glances. Nada.
People I’ve become friends with this year find this really hard to believe. Some have tried to make some helpful suggestions. I’ve politely explained that I’ve tried online dating. I explain that clubs and bars are just not my thing as far as meeting anyone. It’s even been suggested that I try speed dating. That one I’m actually considering, though I’m not sure how a 30 year old who looks 20 with a big, bleached white mohawk and tattoos would really go over at a speed date. Well, not in CT anyway.
Maybe I shouldn’t think about being alone and lonely…but it’s so hard this time of year when that seems to be what everyone else is excited about. And this time of year absolutely should be all about sharing and creating memories with loved ones. I’ve been alone, relationship-wise for the bulk of the past 5 years. I guess this year it’s just harder with the collapse of my relationship with my mother.
My big wish, moving forward, for 2012 is that someone out there takes a chance on me. Looks past the hair and the tattoos and the (most often) guy’s clothes and sees me. Sees the passionate, adorkable, sweet, romantic woman I am. Sees that while presents are nice, it’s the shared meals and quiet moments that mean the most. Sees that I’m not as rough and gruff as I’m sure my appearance warrants. Sees that I may not have stuffed coffers, but that I do have a heart of gold. Sees that I am an amazingly loyal and emotionally honest individual who somehow manages to see the good in everything I possibly can.
Oh, and they see that even if I don’t know a lot about something, or how to make a favorite dish, I am more than willing to learn…because life and love are all about growing, learning and exploring.
So, there it is. My holiday/end of year wish. Just for someone to take a chance and strike up a conversation. I know all of the people who I am friendly with who think I’m pretty awesome can’t be all wrong.
Naked 
do not lose hope.
Thanks. I have hope still, just being realistic about the remainder of this year…
I truly wish you the best of luck this coming year. Though I’m no longer single, I will never forget what it felt like, specially since when I didn’t want to be. I was the one who always got dumped/cheated on right before Valentine’s Day.
-MTO
Thanks. I think I’m just really frustrated because I feel largely invisible. I almost always get a funny look when someone not only learns that I’m single, but that it’s been nearly five years since I’ve been involved with anyone in anything that could be deemed as serious. Some people legitimately do not believe that I don’t have women falling over themselves to spend time with me…which in itself is frustrating to hear…
But see, it’s more difficult than people think it is. I was single for some good five years as well- unless you count the ocasional date with a guy, just out of boredom. I made myself go to bars from time to time (I don’t like to go to bars with the purpose of picking people up), and I also joined groups where I was sure to meet more women. The latter was a disaster, by the way. Nothing worked. And I hated it. Every single day. Then out of freaking nowhere I met my wife in a class! I had given up trying to meet people at school as well because I always ended up crushing on someone who had no interest whatsoever. But here she was… when I least expected it.
But I acknowledge that not every one is as lucky. My best friend’s sister is also single. She dates a bit but it never works. And she’s not liking the fact that she just hit 30 without being in a serious relationship ever. Why is that even the case?!
I seriously wish there was a place you can go and say you wanted to date someone, and it would just happen. It certainly would have been helpful to me on all of those Valentine’s.
-MTO