My Two Cents
I’ve had a lot of time to think lately. While things got much better in my personal life, there’s never a guarantee that it will last. Instead of focusing on the multitude of things that could go wrong, I’m focusing on what could go right. I need to be more open. Live more freely. Stop worrying so much. I used to have a ton of fun when I was younger and more carefree. Now I just react so strongly to the potential of things being ruined that I’m stopping in my tracks. Right now. Conversations had today made me realize my fear of losing control and turning into my parents is probably completely unfounded. I’m too rigid about certain things. I’ve convinced myself I should not sway in my stances on a lot of things. That may have cost me a relationship that’s only just begun. Such a stupid thing to be upset over, really. It’s no one’s fault that I get uncomfortable and nervous about certain situations than my own. I’ve given power to an old memory and I have to face up to the fact that I’ve let it stunt me. I’m not 18 anymore. Yeah, things got real fucked up and I almost completely ruined my life due to my actions and moreso my inaction…but everything that happened then has lead me to where I am today. A strong, intelligent woman with a decent head on my shoulders. Maybe a few more grey hairs and pounds than I’d like, but I’m still a great person and a good catch all the same. I come from humble beginings, and I know my future is not set in stone. I know it unfolds every morning when tomorrow becomes today. I can acknowledge that every potential relationship has a 50/50 chance for two possible outcomes. Both people learn and grow and work and love and ride off into the proverbial sunset…or both people grow apart and either hurt each other or just give up. I know this and I don’t stress about it anymore. I can only be me and be honest and never give up hope in my heart that love exists in this world, and it will exist for me. So I’m taking it one day, one hour, one moment at a time. And I’m letting go of certain fears and dislikes. Not because I’m trying to please anyone, but because today reminded me of how I used to be, and something just clicked. I will never stop learning, growing, or believing. That is my gift in life.
Naked 