Sleeping, Dreaming
When I’ve been able to fall asleep the past few days, I keep having the same dreams. Dreams about things that will, in all fairness, probably never happen because they center around things I would do – not things that happen to me.
Dream one centers around work. I leave at midnight. I walk out to my car and see a note tucked under my wiper blade. I open it and it says “Turn around”. I slowly pivot, and walking towards me is a sheepish grin and a bouquet of flowers.
Dream two is the harsher dream because it’s so real that when I had it this morning, I woke up and cried a little because it just wasn’t true.
Dream two is me being woken from sleep with an arm wrapping around me and a gentle kiss placed on my neck. Dream two has me surprised by a declaration of emotion so simple…”I couldn’t wait to see you anymore, I needed to have my arms around you and feel your heartbeat.”
Both of these scenarios are things I would do. Both of these things are the exact kind of actions that speak volumes. I’m not always good with my words – I know a lot of people aren’t – but I’ve always tried to convey how I feel with my eyes and my actions.
To me, actions will always mean more than words. And the actions are what make or break a relationship. I guess I’m strange…I feel like honest, loving relationships are full of a multitude of small, but meaningful actions.
Hugs and kisses, sure, but more importantly the ability to have arguments and not fly off the handle or resort to physical manifestations of hurt or anger. Every relationship goes through disagreements. It’s how you learn each other’s boundaries, and it’s a good way to measure yourself. Everyone likes each other when everything runs smoothly and happily, but toes will eventually be stepped on, and how you react to each other in those times is very telling.
Healthy, playful competition. Holding hands. Laying your head in one another’s lap. Paying attention to things the other likes and having them around or making them happen for no other reason than seeing that person smile and feel welcome and cared for. Displaying trust in someone – leaving a computer or cell phone unlocked, allowing them access to your home when you aren’t there – doesn’t need to be some huge, shout from the rooftops declaration.
Little notes left to be found later in the day or week. A smile when the other enters the room. Kisses on the forehead or neck. An eyebrow wiggle. A wink. A sudden outburst of a tickle or pillow fight.
Doing something for the sole purpose of supporting your partner. Spending time in the same space, doing your own thing. Cooking a meal for the other – even if all you know how to make is pasta. Learning about something the other is interested in.
Making promises and keeping them. Never going to bed leaving the other thinking you’re angry. Communicating daily, even if just a text message. Not worrying about how you look to other people. Speaking your mind and saying how you feel, regardless of the time and place.
Making love. Apologizing – not neccessarily because you were wrong, but because the other is simply upset. Facing fears and overcoming obstacles together. Helping each other through difficult moments. Supporting each other’s dreams and decisions. Encouraging each other. Then there’s the biggest action of them all.
Acknowledgement that relationships are not easy. They require effort and hard work to blossom and grow. There are parts that are effortless, of course, but there are and are always going to be things that arise that need direct action and compromise to work through and come out stronger on the other side. Not giving up. Love and relationships should not be disposable.
These are just my scatterbrained thoughts after only 4 hours of sleep.
Naked 