Wishes, Hopes, Dreams
Found this is one of my old notebooks I sort of used as a journal…I’ve since torn it out and put in into my new leather bound journal. It’s a reminder to me of the things I’ve always wanted to do with someone I love…I probably wrote the list 4 or 5 years ago, and I still haven’t done a single thing on it. I’ve always dreamed about marrying a woman and having a home together with animals and space and a library/office, gorgeous kitchen, plenty of space to host friends and have guests stay over…just basically all the things I never had growing up. My biggest desire in life is to fall in love and be loved in return at the same depth and height as I love her. I’ve had this dream and desire since I was a small child. I told my mom when I was 4 that I wanted to marry Madonna…now at nearly 31 I feel like a complete failure when it comes to love and relationships. I feel sometimes like I’ll never get it right. I’m never going to meet a woman who thinks I’m great and wants to take a risk on me. It’s really hard for me to shake that feeling. It gets harder every time I put myself out there and just get crushed. I know I can only take life day by day, but sleeping alone in this huge bed, night after night just reminds me of how much I want that part of my life to be as successful as my professional life has become. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like being myself isn’t enough, but I can’t pretend to be someone I’m not. I think too much at night. =/
Naked 