Naked

Sorry it’s been a few days since I last posted. I had another wicked migraine and then was extremely busy with work, but I’m going to try to maybe tackle the remaining questions and knock out the rest of this tonight.

Thanks to all who’ve been reading thus far from around the globe.

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

Wow. Well, love is the great equalizer, isn’t it? I mean, every human being and pretty much every creature is capable of not only being loved, but loving as well. I think some people are more aware of this than others, and thus may have a greater capacity to tap into that well of love and express it and share it with others…not just on a one on one basis, but with the world at large. I think love and gratitude kind of go hand in hand. I know that as a deeply emotional person I have fallen trap to the patterns of feeling heartbroken and then, in turn, feeling sullen and sorry for myself rather than seeing the bigger picture. This has been something I’ve been working on my entire life. I know that I need to acknowledge every emotion I have associated with love, as they are all valid. I will be the first to admit that I’ve always felt like love is the reason for life. Not knowledge or money or fame or anything else…just love. Call me childish if you want, but I still feel as though I’m destined to have an amazing love story. I haven’t given up on that.

As far as affection, this one is trickier. I haven’t been as affectionate in my relationships as perhaps I should’ve been. With some lovers I’ve been somewhat standoffish actually. Some women I’ve loved deeper than you could imagine, but I just haven’t felt driven to kiss them senseless and make out with them constantly. I am a confusing individual. This has gotten even worse in the past year as my body has decided to play games with me and has been telling me to fuck off and shut down my sex drive…I am not enthused, and am actively working to rectify this. I refuse to let this impact another potential relationship.

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

Well, since I need to modify this one, I’ll list off five things I consider positive traits about myself. I am not exceedingly good at promoting myself, so here goes;

I am an extremely loyal person. If I tell you that I am yours, I am. No ifs, ands or buts. I will defend your honor through everything imaginable and I will never stray. It’s not in my heart to do such a thing. In fact, I think being disloyal and displaying infidelity are some of the most despicable traits a person can exhibit.

I am a genuinely caring and good individual. I do not ask how your day is to make small talk. I am actually interested, and invested in your happiness. If you are want for something, and I am in a position to make it happen, I will – no questions asked. Some will say this makes me a sucker, but I just don’t know how else to be.

I love animals and animals love me. I’ve been warned countless times that an animal doesn’t like strangers or is mean, and within minutes, said animal is curled up on my lap asleep or rolled over looking for belly rubs. I can’t really explain it. I’ve had this connection with animals since childhood. I have similar effects on kids – they all seem to love me. (I, on the other hand, like children, but have never had the desire to have any of my own. My mind could be swayed by the right woman potentially.)

I have a sharp mind, and I don’t ever want to stop learning – even if it’s simply picking up a book about concussions in football (I actually don’t even watch the sport) or watching a documentary about making wood veneer, I am energized by knowledge.

I would make for a terrible liar. My eyes are extremely expressive and give everything away. Seriously. These baby blue are definitely windows into my heart and soul.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

My family is not warm or close at all, and I’m OK with this. There has been a lot of breaking of trust and lying that has happened within my immediate family in the past, and I think it’s actually best for all involved that there is very little communication. I used to have a much stronger relationship with my mother than my father, but she did some things that really damaged that relationship. After a few years of refusing all contact, I’ve very slowly started to allow her back into my life. My father and I share a living space currently (not sure for how much longer – it has always been a money saving issue, at one point he was unemployed for a few years) but we don’t really talk that much. It’s a very odd dynamic. Again, I’m completely OK with this.

My extended family has no contact with me. They have vastly different views than I do, and beyond the basic issues of racism and some of them being Bible thumpers, I know that most of them would not be accepting of me being a lesbian just based on how they spoke of other people when I was 10, 11, and 12 years old, the last times I was exposed to them. Still completely OK with all of this. As an only child I have been very self-sufficient from an early age. Even more so because of my parents alcoholism and other antics.

This is not to say that I don’t understand and appreciate that many other people have vastly different familial experiences and love being around large portions of their families. More power to you if you have those relationships. I’m happy that you have that support system, and I respect those relationships. I just can’t compare my childhood with yours. I wouldn’t want to.

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Well, I think I pretty much covered this in the previous question…but for the sake of the question, I have no idea where my relationship with her is going. I would like to get back to a point with her that if I am lucky enough to find myself getting married, I would want her to be there.

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “we are both in this room feeling…”

Another question I can’t really answer properly, but I will try.

I’m in this room reclining on my bed, with one cat on my feet and the other at my knees.

I’m currently listening to Amazon Prime music on my phone through headphones.

I have Divergent playing on my 50″ TV, but I’m not paying any attention to it.

26. Complete this sentence “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”

I wish I had someone with whom I could share every aspect of life with. From falling asleep next to her and waking up with, to coming home to and building that home together. Sharing each other’s successes and failures. Encouraging each other. Pushing each other. Growing together. Being silly and serious. Challenging each other’s limits in all aspects and still loving each other no matter what. (I told you, love is the reason for me.)

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

I value honesty above all else. I would rather you give it to me straight than sugarcoat a shitpile. I have very little patience or respect for people who can’t be honest. If I look like shit, tell me…but don’t be offended when I do the same. don’t pussyfoot around with me. I’m not a mind reader and I’m not a game player. I’m way too old and far too smart for that nonsense. If I want a game, I’ve got crossword puzzles, thanks.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them: Be honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone that you’ve just met.

Well, I’ve finally hit a question I can’t do without a partner. Sorry guys.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

Well, I’ve been really sick without sick time before, and I’ve had to work, and I’ve ended up having to throw out my underthings at work because of how sick I was. Can’t deny it…I’m sure it’s happened to quite a few people. Admit it.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

I last cried in front of someone else when my most recent ex broke up with me over my birthday weekend. I last cried by myself last week.

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

Another one I can’t do unless I have a partner…apologies again folks.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

I won’t joke about cheating, and I find it offensive when other people say they are “joking” about it. To me, if you can joke about it, the thought is obviously there…it’s just really bad karma and energy to put out there.

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

Right at this moment, there isn’t anything that i haven’t already tried to express to people – whether they’ve heard what I’ve tried to say is another matter. I’ve been really trying to live my life without regret, so my conscious is pretty clear.

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

I would grab the messenger bag that I bring to work every day. In it contains my iPad, all the charging cables I would need, notebooks, pens, what I would need for work, my planner and my bank ledger. I know I’d already have my phone on me. I’d grab this, because with this one bag, I’d have all of my contacts and all of the means needed to start rebuilding normalcy.

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

My mom. She’s my mom afterall. Neither of my parents take care of their health, but losing the woman who brought you into this world just feels like it has to be the hardest thing to accept.

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

OK, I’ll just throw it out there to you guys. My dear readers, how in the hell should I go about meeting women when I’m ready to try to date again? I’m not one for gay bars or that whole meat-market aspect of gay culture…I’m just too shy and not self-sure enough. I’ve tried online dating when I was younger with hilarious results. What are your thoughts? Seriously. I want you to comment. Please.

Wow. I did it. I answered Arthur Aron’s questions. I think I’ve opened my eyes to a lot about myself…I think I would love to do this again in real life with a potential partner to see if there could be something there. I’m not saying this is a checklist to love, but these questions definitely make you think.

~ by tatterednotes on February 7, 2015.

Posted in Art, Entertainment, Life, Uncategorized
Tags: 33, answers, Arthur Aron, curiousity, dating, doubts, exploration, honesty, lesbian, questions, single, social psychology