Fifty Shades of Fucked Up…
So I finally saw the movie. I bought it on Amazon Video. To say the movie was a disappointment is an understatement. From casting to acting to wardrobe…*sigh*
The playroom, glider scene, and soundtrack were the only really redeeming qualities. I found the sex to be quite lackluster, even for hetero sex. Now, don’t get me wrong, I knew there was no way they were going to be able to get away with half the stuff that is in the book, but seriously I’ve seen hotter sex scenes on The Vampire Diaries.
Dear soccer moms everywhere; you’ve been had! That, or you’re seriously lacking in imagination and sexual adventure. Not sure which is worse actually.
As someone who has read all of the books, I’m more than a little shocked that they didn’t devote even 2 minutes to her supposed Goddess like skills at fellatio. Yes, this is coming from a big old lesbian. I mean, for real? At least in the books Anastasia is not quite the simpering idiot the movie has made her out to be thus far. In the books Christian is genuinely challenged and taken aback by her.
As far as the “kinky fuckery” to borrow a term from the book – I give it a D. BORING. I consider myself to have had pretty vanilla sex with my previous partners, and I have to say that I would consider some of my sexcapades way more intense and “kinky” than what was explored in the film. And I bought the unrated version! What the fuck made it unrated? Discussing fisting? Asking about butt plugs? For fuck’s sake! There was barely any pubic hair shots (yes, I realize this is somehow taboo) and there was NO male frontal nudity to speak of. Tell me again why this movie almost got an NC-17/Unrated theatrical release?
Is it so unpalatable to think of women exploring their sensuality by relenquishing “power” to someone else in a sexual manner? I know it may come as a shock to anyone reading this who actually knows me in real life, but believe it or not, for some women – including myself – the thought of totally relenquishing control is utterly, completely tantalizing and erotic. I’ve often longed to meet a woman who could periodically dominate me in all the right ways. Not in a painful way (though I’ve learned that some pain can be extremely fun), but in a way that allows me to be a more authentic version of myself instead of the person that everyone else always envisions me as being.
Chew on that for a minute. I’ll wait. Savor the feel of it in your mouth.
People have all kinds of misconceptions. About me. About you. About themselves. About that total stranger sitting across them on the train. About sex. Oh the misconceptions about sex. I know I’ve had more than a few over the years. I know that I still have many things that I would like to explore and learn about. I dearly hope that I will be afforded that opportunity to continue to explore.
I think that is the great gift of Fifty Shades. The books and now the movies have opened up dialouge that didn’t really exist so openly before. At least not amongst the people I’ve known. I for one, am glad of it. It’s helped me come out of my shell a bit. The past several years I’ve slowly explored things. Bit by bit. I’ve discovered things that I really like. I’ve had my curiousity piqued about far more things.
I’ve yet to find a partner who has been good for me who I can explore with…but the ones who’ve shown me there is more to my sexuality have been invaluable lessons that I won’t ever forget or take for granted. My moments with those women were brief and fleeting, but eye opening and to be honest, life changing. Every encounter I’ve ever had with a woman, from my first love back in in high school to the random intoxicated make outs at gay bars in my twenties to the attempts at soul-searching sex in relationships, have shaped me.
I would never feel so emboldened to say that I need a partner who can push me up against a wall and own my mouth with hers, claim my throat with her fingertips and teeth, and then break away back to whatever social event we are at as if nothing happened. I need someone who can test and push my limits and who can appreciate that I am going to do the same thing in return.
Someone who appreciates that while I wear men’s clothing, and prefer to keep my hair short, and practice common courtesies like holding the door – this does not mean that I am butch or completely dominant. Quite the opposite in fact. I love nothing more than the small gestures like having a door held for me, or flowers brought to my workplace; a bath drawn with candles or a small meal made just for me. I like to be taken care of and pampered just as much as I take care of and pamper the one I love. Somehow that seems to get lost in translation as people size me up and make assumptions about me.
In reality, I’m the last to know when someone is interested, even though I feel like I should have more confidence in myself. I often feel awkward around women because I don’t quite know how to express that I’m not the butch woman I probably look like. That I want them to stop me mid sentence and kiss my breath away and then fuck me senseless later on!
But I fear now that I am rambling and being a little self-indulgent in my musings. The perils of being single and awkward I suppose.
Naked 