Feel The Beat..Beat…Beat…
I’m not sure why I have such a love for “dance” music but I do. It’s sort of ironic actually, considering that I don’t think I can dance for shit, but listening to house or even trance or EDM just always seems to bring me to this headspace where I’m just in a good mood or calm.
Maybe it’s part of my “gay DNA” as one of my friends likes to joke. I mean, I have been in and out of gay clubs and bars over the years since I was 16, since they were among the first places I ever felt accepted for being myself. Then of course was my brief stint in college where I was doing quite a few drugs whilst out at said bars and clubs. I think at one point in time I used to think I could dance. I know I definitely used to have a much better body to at least pretend I could dance.
I still dance around like a fool in my apartment or in the driver’s seat of my car on a daily basis, but it’s been over 5 years since I’ve been out to a gay bar or club, and the last time I tried to dance was at a wedding with my ex and she fucking shamed me, so yeah. (Yeah, I know, ex for a multitude of reasons…)
I’ve actually lost a lot of confidence in myself over the years as far as my physical appearance and willingness to just be a fucking goofball…I’m trying to reclaim it all. Don’t let the smattering of grey hairs and the food belly pudge fool you – I certainly do NOT feel my 33 years. I feel like I still have a lot of milage left and a lot of fun experiences and years to offer the right person…just need to find another goofball with the same level of intellect and ability to be serious, with some of the same extracurricular interests as me! I know she’s gotta be out there.
I know I’ve been writing about wanting to date a lot lately…call it manifesting things into fruition or what have you I guess…
I have this image in my head of kissing someone under the starts this summer while Calvin Harris – Feel So Close is playing in the background. Because I truthfully believe my life would be so much more awesome with a soundtrack, and I already know what some of the key moments should be set to. I know, I know, I know. By now you all should realize that I’m not your normal plain Jane kind of dyke. For fuck’s sake, I just bought a new car and named her Khaleesi! (Side note, totally satisfying to spend all that money that was earmarked for something else on myself! I highly recommend everyone spoil and splurge on themselves at some point in life if you can afford it!)
Other side note about me not being just your average run of the mill New England lesbo – I really don’t care for the outdoors unless it involves a fire and drinking with food or something to do with the beach and ocean. I would go out on a boat all day every day if I could. Water has ALWAYS had a calming effect on me, and I love the open water especially. It makes me feel vibrant and alive. To be honest, being on a boat turns me on. Pretty sure being outside with the salt air is not a normal aphrodesiac, but hey. There you go ladies. Now you know a secret to getting into my pants…take me out on the open water in a boat! (I’m totally kidding…that wouldn’t cause me to put out if it were a first or second date.)
I wish I had paid more attention in my play/screenwriting class in college…I have so many fantastic ideas that would make great movies. I mean…I know I would watch them. Come on…a hot, passionate kiss under the moon and the stars in the middle of summer, moon reflecting off of water, Calvin Harris swelling in the background…two minds, heart, bodies and souls coming together – possibly in bikinis? Who wouldn’t want to see that love story happen? (I may be a little intense…promise that it’s all in good ways though!)
I will say this much…I do feel better mentally and psychically than I have in a long time. My heart feels light…I feel ready for anything that life is going to have in store for me…and I can’t help but feel like something truthfully amazing and life changing is on it’s way to me. Maybe that’s corny, but I’ve been feeling a shift and a change within myself and the energy around me, and I feel like it’s all leading up to something major. I can’t wait to see where the rest of my life is going to take me.
I’m so ready!
Naked 