Top Chef & Tunes…
This is my current flow…as well as my very needy and persistant son trying to get as close as he possibly can to me on my right side…making it difficult for me to type!
He’s been my constant companion since 2006 though, so he’s totally allowed to make some things in my life more difficult!
Honestly, as much as I like nights out with people, checking out different spots, people watching, and seeing some live music…I really do like having many more nights like this. Just me, my cats, whatever food I decide to make, something good to stream and either a good book or some good music to listen to while I relax or write. Yeah, I know, makes me sound way older than 33…but truth be told, as much as I love “dance” music, I can’t dance for shit, and I’m not really a fan of any of the “gay” spots here in CT.
I keep vacillating between trying to make as many moves in the right direction as I possibly can as far as getting myself out there to be seen and met by eligible women – and just saying FUCK IT ALL!!! I don’t know how many people I’ve spoke to who encouraged me to continue putting myself out there online on dating sites (as of writing this, still just on PoF unless there are still old profiles from 5+ years ago out there on other sites I’ve definitely forgotten about) but also acknowledge my intense desire to have something happen very organically. I’m still not sure how many people (if any) really understand why I’m just not that big of a fan of the whole contrived nature of online dating.
Maybe it goes back to my overall disgust with people who are just not genuine. A shockingly high number of people lie their asses off online…and about the stupidest fucking shit. I mean, what the fuck is the point of lying? To make yourself look good to scrollers? What the hell do you think is going to happen if and when you actually meet someone from off of one of the sites you’re lying on and you can no longer hide behind your phone or keyboard?
People lie about EVERYTHING! From their jobs and salaries to their age, weight and marital status. Even their eye or skin color. YOU CAN’T HIDE THE FACT THAT YOUR SKIN IS A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT TONE! Fake pictures. Photos from a decade ago. A lot of times you can just tell when someone is bullshitting…but sometimes you can’t. Technology has allowed a whole generation of people to become slick little shithead liars – and they’re often applauded for it!
This is a REAL conversation I was a part of at my job not too long ago. Two men were talking about Tinder dates, and I happened to make the mistake of inquiring about how Tinder works for them and if there is a “gay” option. The two launched into a stunning run down about how they swipe right on every chick knowing that 99% of them are lying because all they care about is getting their dicks sucked or an easy, cheap fuck. My response was basically asking them that since they readily acknowledge that the majority of their encounters are based upon lies, how can they trust someone when they say they don’t have any STDs? I was met with blank stares.
These are not stupid men either. I work in tech support. Virtually everyone I work with actually has degrees or certifications of some sort. They should all definitely understand how casual sex works and that you need to be up front and have that conversation. Apparently they have NO ISSUE taking some random chick’s word that she’s not only clean, but that she’s on the fucking pill. I’m absolutely shocked that there is no problem with any of that in their minds. I mean, I can’t sit here and lie and say that I’ve been “safe” with every woman I’ve slept with myself – college was a blur to be frank – but I’ve always been on top of getting myself screened and checked…and I do have those conversations with prospective partners. As an adult I feel that you have to. If someone that I’m thinking about sleeping with seems uncomfortable with the very question, then it certainly is a big reason to give me pause. I absolutely have suggested and then insisted that we both go get tested together before with someone who was really frightened and apprehensive about the entire prospect of knowing her status…and this was someone who had previously slept with more than one male partner condom free! She had NEVER had the STD conversation with anyone else. Blew my mind!
The fact that so many intelligent people out there are playing Russian roulette with their bodies and health just scares me. I wanted to go buy the biggest box of condoms I could find and dump the contents on their desks!
I don’t know, maybe I’m just really not cut out for the whole hook up culture that’s pervasive in my age group. almost everyone I know who is in their early to mid thirties of any gender and orientation that isn’t married is all about the hook up. I guess I got that out of my system when I was younger? My divorced friends especially! I mean, don’t get me wrong – now that my sex drive is back, I definitely want to fuck – I’m just more into fucking within a definied, monogamous partnership at this point in my life.
I just need to meet the right woman to literally and figuratively knock my socks off! I also recognize that I also have permission as a single human being to do whatever the fuck I want…but seriously, that’s what porn and masturbation are made for! I’m the kind of woman who can’t enjoy herself sexually with someone (unless they are VERY skilled) without a level of trust that simply can’t be cultivated after 2 dates or half a bottle of tequila!
Now I just need to figure out how to convey that appropriately to women…like, “By the way, even though I may think you’re gorgeous, and I haven’t had sex in a really long time, AND I’m curious to see if we’re sexually compatible, I just don’t have the mental energy to have sex after a date or two at this point in my life. If you’re interested in pursuing a relationship with me anyway, cool. If all you wanted was to try and bed me, well, thanks for the compliment, but I’m just not terribly interested in trying to push my slight insecurities to the side and have a 15 minute long conversation explaining why I can’t really do spontaneous sex just anywhere with a one and done.”
(Apologies to anyone who picked this post as the first post of mine that they have chosen to read. I’m kind of vulgar sometimes, and I’m pushing myself to be more open and frank about things recently.)
This is where I do some of my best thinking and figure some shit out. I don’t ever really plan a blog post – these things just pour out of me. Maybe I should give any potential dates a link to my blog, my IG, and my Facebook? I probably do a much better job of really expressing myself on here than I could ever do on a dating profile. Or maybe I just need personal references to show women?! That shit would be funny actually…
But anyway…I guess I should wake my son’s furry little butt up and make sure he and his sister have enough kibble for the night and get myself a refill on my water. He’s currently twitching in his sleep on my lap…I wish I could know what he’s dreaming about…hopefully it’s something good like catching a bird or a mouse.
Until next time kids…
Naked 