That Blue-Eyed Girl
PJ Harvey…where have you been? What have you been up to? Why do you stay in my brain all day when you randomly play on my iPod on my way into work?
Maybe it’s my subconscious desire to revisit the 90s…well, not revisit, but mayhaps regain some of that balls to wall confidence I had once upon a time.
I used to be fearless. I used to be gutsy. I used to take incredible chances. I used to give exactly zero fucks.
Scratch that. I actually used to fuck a lot…but I think you know what I mean.
I didn’t fear rejection. I didn’t worry how it would look if I tried to kiss a woman and she turned her head…I’d just kiss her fucking neck and whisper in her ear. There was a time when that shit worked for me.
Then I grew up. I took on many responsibilities that weren’t all my own. I settled. Oh yeah. I. Fucking. Settled.
For what exactly? Not for anything monumental to brag about. I’m still taking on responsibilities that I maybe shouldn’t. I haven’t accomplished things I’ve always dreamed of.
I traded fearlessness for caution. Now I’m navigating a world where I struggle to fit in. I want everything and nothing. I fear rejection, yet I put things out there for criticism. I walk a line that even I can’t define.
I yearn for things so strongly that I dream of them constantly, yet I question every move I make to try to put any wheels in motion to make things happen.
Little fish. Big fish. Swimming in the water…
I am such a little fish. Looking for a big fish. Looking for the spark. The sense of danger…but also that sense of comfort and home.
I am a fucking endless contradiction in skin and incredibly blue eyes.
…sometimes though, that smirk still finds a home on my face…
Naked 