You Can Take It Fast, Fast, Slow…
Here we go again…gearing up for summer. Here I go again…feeling familiar yearnings and desires stirring. Here the world goes again…just not allowing 1 plus 1 to equal 2.
Dates…I’ve been on a couple – OK, 2…and they were OK. Nothing to write my mom about. Good conversation. Absolutely ZERO chemistry.
I watch my friends rack up dates and hook ups (straight, bisexual, gay and otherwise) through dating apps and just getting out there and drunk at the bars and I don’t get it. I mean, obviously, I get it…the need to hook up, make out and have sex…but I don’t get how it’s that easy for people to fuck multiple randoms like that in this day and age anymore.
The younger me never would have thought I would have an issue with it.
In fact I’m pretty sure the younger me would have kicked my ass for declining offers of kisses on dates…but hey.
I mean, I’m not diametrically opposed to sex completely outside of a relationship…but I do have issues with someone cheating on a partner with me or not being safe about having casual sex. If I am going to have sex with someone, I’m going to want to have a conversation first and set some ground rules…especially about barriers.
Yes, I know a lot of people think those conversations are also desperately UNsexy, but I want to be able to soak some sheets for many, MANY more years to come, so I prefer to be a little cautious now that I’ve well grown out of my wild and reckless phases. I just don’t see what the big deal is discussing using gloves or condoms or a barrier for oral sex with someone who you want to fuck, but aren’t willing to commit to. I know my status. I don’t know yours. Nor do I know who all else you may be fucking. End of story.
I actually had a discussion about this at the bar the other night with a new friend, and she fully agreed with me…and it was so refreshing! Even though she’s married, she absolutely understands the importance of being able to have a frank and open conversation about sex with a prospective partner. I will be the first to admit that I have often not been comfortable enough with my own needs and desires in the past to be able to have these conversations, but in the past year or so, something has definitely awoken within me and I have no problems having these talks now!
Maybe I’m hitting my sexual prime in my mid-thirties? Maybe being on the pill was stunting my sex drive and my willingness to explore my sexuality? Maybe I’ve just been reading too much smut and watching too much porn?
What do you think about having conversations about sex with prospective partners? Do you have them? Do you discuss and disclose STI status? Do you discuss using barriers? Do you discuss boundaries and limits? Using toys? Safe words? Let me know in the comments…I’m super curious.
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~ by tatterednotes on April 23, 2016.
Posted in Health, Life, Relationships
Tags: barriers, casual, casual sex, chemistry, conversation, dating, frankness, fucking, hook ups, lesbian, open, porn, relationships, safe sex, safer sex, sex, sexual chemistry, sexuality, smut, STIs, thirties
Naked 
“If I am going to have sex with someone, I’m going to want to have a conversation first and set some ground rules…especially about barriers.”
This is an awesome post, and yes there should be some damn ground rules!
There should always be ground rules and there should always be a conversation, but unfortunately too many people play fast and loose with their health and the health of others.
Open and honest is the only way to go. There is nothing more exciting than exploring your sexuality with someone that is open to self-expression, confident in their own skin, and willing to try new sexual experiences. For me, it has been absolutely necessary to talk about sex, perferred roles, toys, etc. Having a frank conversation about sex with a potential partner allows me to understand our chemistry, their passion AND motivations. Good luck!