Boredom Creeps…

•July 3, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Work is almost excruciatingly slow today…but because it is so quiet (and I’m getting paid to basically do nothing) I kind of don’t mind.

I’m in an exceptionally mellow mood today and I don’t really know why. It’s kind of nice. Even though I know I have a lot I could and maybe should be worrying about, for some reason, those thoughts just aren’t crossing my mind.

I’m very much looking forward to my paid day off tomorrow and trying to sleep in…we’ll see how that goes. Also looking forward to new episodes of both True Blood and The Real L Word tonight…double sexy score!

July 1st

•July 1, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Damn. How is it July already? I feel like it was just yesterday that it was December 1st and I was pretty damn ticked off at life.

That’s not to say that I have all sunshine and roses feelings towards life at the moment, but I’m definitely not ill at ease with any particular soul on this planet. Definitely a good place to be, really, in the grand scheme of things.

I should be sleeping, but I just can’t seem to nod off…so why not just pour thoughts onto page and into space and see if that helps?

So, I’ve been doing this thing on my Facebook now for the past 26 days (today will be day 27) called The Gratitude Project. I’ve decided that every day for 100 days I will post one thing I am grateful or thankful for. It’s just a small way I can get in the habit of being a more positive human being and maybe, just maybe, make myself a better person in the long run.

I’ve been trying really hard to become a more positive person. I’ve been trying hard to focus on the positive side to any situation. I’ve always said I’ve never regretted anything I’ve said or done because I know it has all helped me to become the person I am today, and that’s true. I just know that I want to always continue becoming a better me. I know I’ll never stop growing. I know I will just keep experiencing and learning and becoming more of the person I will be.

Sounds pretty damn hokey, I know. But in the past year I’ve really been trying hard to do just that. I’ve tattooed the Ohm symbol within a beautiful lotus flower that takes up the entire back of my neck and the middle of my upper back between my shoulders. I’ve read the book The Secret (yeah, I know it’s also hokey). I was in therapy from 09.09 until just a few months ago to work on myself and to finally start processing being the product of a household with an alcoholic and a codependent and how that has affected a lot of how I am in relationships and how I have historically handled certain situations.

I can honestly say that I’ve grown in leaps and bounds on several fronts in my life. I’m working hard to get the financial part totally under control and to remain ahead of the game. I would love to have someone in my life to share everything with, but as I’ve decided to no longer look for it or try to make it happen, that is all really up to chance.

I’m trying to be a physically healthier person as well. I rejoined a gym and have already gone to it more in the past two weeks than in the whole year I had the membership the last time. I’m eating a lot healthier and including much more fresh fruits and vegetables into my diet. I’ve been working on my culinary skills and am always trying to expand my food horizons.

I’ve been a lot more honest with myself about my sexual needs and appetites, and have promised myself I’m not going to settle for less than compatibility on that front in any future relationship I may have. I refuse to pretend I don’t watch porn from time to time or that I really like not being in control…even though I happen to have a pretty strong personality and can be quite aggressive when I want to be. Blame the Scorpio in me I guess.

I also know I’m not going to ignore my emotional needs anymore. I’m not going to put up with red flag behavior with people I may date. No more of this whole business of trying to ignore if someone I’m seeing is best friends with their ex and have daily interactions with them. I’m going to see it for what it is…two people that maybe grew apart sexually, but never severed the emotional cord and are simply clinging to what they know. Before anyone thinks I’m being unfair, I’m not. I just can’t fathom how people go from fucking and loving and living together to being just friends so seamlessly and easily. I fully believe it is healthy to sever ties for awhile and process what happened and ended. relationships *should* have a grieving process. I don’t trust it when someone says they can transition from sharing a bed and home with someone to just being friends. I sure as shit can’t. There are plenty of people I’ve dated I haven’t spoken to in years, and don’t ever plan on speaking to again. Maybe that makes me a bitch, but I know when people aren’t good or healthy for me in a relationship…or friendship. Don’t get me wrong, after enough time has passed, I’m open to giving a friendship a shot with certain people, and have friendships of a sort with people I’ve dated or slept with…but definitely nothing as symbiotic or close as I’ve seen many people have with exes. I’ve come out on the losing end every time I tried getting close to someone who was still closely linked with an ex, and I honestly don’t know anyone who hasn’t.

Maybe I have radical ideas about love and relationships…but I’m hedging my bets that somewhere out there someone else feels the same way about things as I do.

I’m putting my faith in the Universe. I’m projecting as much positivity as I can and I know that eventually Karma will pay off.

Countdown To Thirty

•June 30, 2011 • 1 Comment

It feels like I have a bomb strapped to my chest sometimes when it comes to the fact that in a few short months I will indeed be thirty. Everyone has such a negative connotation to the age, and it’s seriously getting on my nerves!

I get told all the time I look extremely young for my age. Which, while flattering, also means a lot of people treat me differently until they find out how old I really am. Example: ‘You’ve got plenty of time to fall in love and settle down.’…then after they find out I’ll be thirty in the fall…’Oh wow. Well, you know, not everyone is cut out for marriage.’. I go from chin up comments to pitiful looks and uncomfortable comments.

Yes, I’m 29. I will be 30 in 4 1/2 months. Yes, I live with my parents (after a failed attempt to keep a home with someone who sort of asked me to marry them and a string of financial problems) in a small two bedroom apartment. No, I don’t know when or if I’ll be moving out alone. Yes, I have a low-paying job that doesn’t let me afford much beyond my (now seemingly ridiculous) car payment, insurance, cell phone and partial family bills. A year ago I was making twice what I am now, but I lost my job and it took me seven months to find this one, so if you have a problem with me not being able to spend a lot of money, eat it.

I am still an amazing person. I am quick-witted, thoughtful, kind, affectionate, pretty decent looking, and I love to drive fast. I’m not overly political. I read a lot. I like to learn on a daily basis. I’ve learned to take better care of myself…and that includes not only joining a gym, but eating better and not spending money frivolously anymore. I’m trying to be more selfish than I used to be because a lot of people have told me I pretty much used to let them walk all over me. They knew I’d always be there. Now people are hearing me say no a lot more…so that means I have fewer ‘friends’, but a lot more sanity.

It’s a blessing and a curse most people don’t think I look a day over 21, if that. (I get pegged as 22 or so when I wear short sleeves…tattoos apparently automatically make you early 20s) Its a blessing because I know people my age who look like they are 40+, and its a curse because I feel like no one takes me seriously because they think I’m really young, and I also feel like some people are jealous I look young when they find out how old I really am.

But the whole living at home and not having money thing is still a bitch. People are far too superficial to look past those two facts when I tell them I’m going to be 30, and I don’t feel like going into the whole explanation of how I ended up here at this age anymore…but it’s 3 steps really: Failed house owning/relationship, spent too much money on women/doctor bills/bankruptcy, lost my job last August. I don’t need pity or sympathy. Lots of people have had very similar stories these past few years…especially with the economy. I think I’m just more honest about it than most people are.

Alrighty…I think this is enough venting for now…time to hit the gym so I can try to whittle this body’s appearance down a couple more years!

One Step Closer

•June 28, 2011 • 1 Comment

I am so on edge right now. Its like every fiber in my body is humming. I know myself well enough to know this is a really bad thing. I feel like I’m close to breaking (snapping, flipping, etc…) and I’m having a really hard time backing off the edge. Its been getting worse and worse. I need to get up early tomorrow and put in an hour plus at the gym…I’m hoping that will do the trick…because I know I’m not going to being having sex anytime in the forseeable future, and the other alternative of losing it on someone can’t happen either.

Between the crazy dreams I’ve been having, the added stress of my mom’s constant threats she’s going to up and leave, making me basically responsible for my father and his shit and their bills, and the pangs of wanting I keep having more and more frequently, I feel like I’m wound so tight that nothing readily available to me is going to loosen me up.

Today at work was stressful…and it felt like a lot of other people were also on edge…never a good combo for me. Part of me wants to walk into my apartment and have a drink and try to relax, but I can’t. I promised myself long ago I would only drink when in a good mindframe, and this definitely doesn’t constitute a good frame of mind. I’m too afraid of becoming an alcoholic to even toe the waters of drinking when I feel stressed or edgy.

Yet another of the many balancing acts I feel like I’m constantly performing. My father is an alcoholic, even if he only admits it when he’s drunk. My mother has enabled him for so many years and has always been so co-dependant with him. Her father was also an abusive alcoholic, and she can’t handle her liquor either. Neither of them know when to stop or say no. I’ve always been terrified I would throw my life away because of alcohol, and instead its almost like I’ve thrown my life away trying to avoid people and situations that remind me of my parents (especially my dad) and feeling like I have always failed because I choose the exact wrong people to date.

I have an extremely hard time striking a happy balance. When I’m in a relationship (not often, and not for very long) it seems like alcohol or drugs always is a constant thorn. I’ve dated people with obvious alcohol or drug problems or people fresh out of rehab or people who get out of control when they drink and get sick or do stupid shit I feel compelled to try and fix for them. My ex fiance drank every single day. So did the last woman I tried to date.

With both of those women I felt like they didn’t know how to deal with life without a drink in hand. I found out my ex fiance had also been hiding drug use from me, and the last woman I dated absolutely couldn’t be intimate or affectionate unless she had some drinks in her. Both situations left me feeling out of control. Both women often pressured me to drink more than I felt comfortable with. With both women I went past my set limit of 3 drinks and I regretted it.

Maybe I’m not doing the right thing, imposing so many restrictions on myself…with alcohol. With sex. With life really. I have such a firm list of things I won’t let myself do or don’t want from life, and I’m hard pressed to name more than a few things I really want from life. When I do share those with people, they scoff, tell me I’m ridiculous and need to grow up and realize I’m not going to get those things. I don’t have hardly any friends because of nasty remarks that have been made to me over the years about what I want from life or because of a lack of respect for things I’m not willing to tolerate in my life because they’re not healthy.

Maybe people are right. Maybe I’m never going to move back out from living with my parent(s). Maybe I’m never going to make a lot of money. Maybe I’m never going to find the stability and security I so very much want and need. But I’m never going to give up hoping things will change. I’m never going to give up on my dreams. I can’t. If I did, there would be even less of a point to this life I’m living.

So here I am, pulling up my big girl britches every day and doing what I know I must to make even the most infinitesimal steps forward towards the life I want. The life I deserve.   

Trigger Happy Jack

•June 27, 2011 • 2 Comments

I miss Poe. I miss the music of high school and right after. I miss the days when I defiantly walked into bathrooms of my Catholic school and kissed my first girlfriend. I miss how brash and brazen I used to feel. I would have de Sade on my desk and practically dare people to ask me about it.

I miss the days at camp where people openly flirted with me. Male and female. I miss the knowing smiles, the nervous laughter. I miss hiding my baby blues behind my navy Oakleys (man do I miss those glasses…), crossing my arms and smiling.

I miss feeling special in someone else’s eyes. I know I’m pretty fucking awesome, don’t get me wrong, but I miss knowing someone else thinks this about me. Maybe I’m shallow. Maybe I’m self-centered. Think what you will, but I know how I look at people I’ve loved, and I just long for someone to look at me that way again.

I know everyone tells me to stop looking for it and ‘it will happen’, but I also know bottling up what I’m think and how I’m feeling isn’t healthy. I don’t have a dating profile on any website anymore…I wasn’t meeting anyone worthwhile anyway. I don’t go to bars and clubs because I know I’m not going to meet someone there. I doubt I’m going to meet anyone at work…as people there are not exactly openly gay or gay friendly. I was shocked to learn a woman I’d known a decade ago works there and has been with her partner since then.

I wish I could say I could rely on friends to introduce me to people, but that’s not likely to happen either…so I’ve decided to just give up on meeting anyone. I’m not trying anymore…but that doesn’t mean I don’t still wish I would. I recently joined a gym again, and I keep hoping maybe I’ll meet some new people via the gym…I’m even considering getting into shape to run a 5K soon and think in the back of my mind maybe I could meet new people there as well.

I guess maybe I just will never stop having feelings and desires to have the kind of romantic, lasting love I know I’m capable of and think I deserve…and I guess I’ll never understand why exactly that is such a bad thing. =/

Tap That!

•June 21, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Fish that is. As much as I thought I wasn’t going to like this app, I’m kind of glad one of my coworkers made me download it on my phone…its one of the few things that helps keep me sane when work is as dead as it is right now…oh TapFish!

I’m clocking 10 minutes between calls right now and literally am excited for it to be time to leave work…even though I don’t have anywhere to go or anyone to see…just to get out of here at this point!

The Real L Word – Season 2, Episode 3

•June 20, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Watching the third episode…it starts with Cori and Kacy…the too cute for words married couple who are trying to start a family…purchasing sperm. Dude, $2,000 for only 3 tries? DAAAAYUUUUMMM! And to think that dumb, drunk heteros give the shit away…but I digress.

Cut to Claire and Francine…I’m not even touching this one…trying to live with someone you used to fuck is NEVER a good idea! But us lesbos…well, we seem to think its worth a shot. And another one. And some more times…no matter how FUCKED it is, we will try it. Someone always ends up getting hurt…usually AFTER you hook up again against all better judgement.

OK, now it’s baby dyke Sadjah and her ‘bois’ at the salon…talking about how she’s never had any kind of relationship…gag.

Whitney is in SF…haha…oh man. Side note: when I met her last summer her like PA (lackey, whatever you want to call it) tried to invite me back to the hotel she was staying at after the party and I was like, uhm…no thanks! Do I think it was an invite to hook up? Who knows. We talked tattoos and that was pretty much it. I wasn’t fawning over her like every other drunk slut that was there that night…and let me tell you, I saw lots of tits I NEVER wanted to see that night!

Ah yes…Romi and Kelsey…oh man…how much have I definitely been in that situation…on either side of the Romi coin. Both the being the main provider and taking care of someone emotionally and financially, and then being on Kelsey’s end where you date someone who when they get alcohol in them, they do stupid, hurtful shit they ‘don’t remember’…ARGH! But seriously…asides from showing that unlovely side of the lesbo party/club scene…they are the epitome of couples that burn out so fast sexually…LBD does NOT have to exist people! Kelsey is getting schwastey…kind of obnoxious. Maybe I’m just weird because I’m not a big drinker (but I CAN be…and that’s what scares me) but c’mon ladies! Stop the rampant ‘I can’t deal sober’-ness for one ep?

Back to Whit in SF at this massive party revolving around her favorite thing…her! All these women basically throwing themselves at her. She’s talking about how girls always come up to smell her hair? LOL…ok, I definitely think maybe some people are curious about the dreads…but really, its more an excuse to get close to her and try to get in her panties. PS, when I met her, I didn’t think she smelled all that great. She smelled of cigarettes and Bud Light…not exactly sexy to me. I WILL say that I find Whit’s Alpha-ness is a turn-on…I wish I could meet a woman who is that sexually aggressive…but that’s another night and another story.

Oooh…Sara…now she is yumm! Craaaaaazy, but sexy for sure! Sara has hooked up with Whit and Romi so far on this show last season…now she’s back and forth with some girl Hana in NYC and she fucked Whit again in this season…oooh…now she’s trying to get her hooks into this chica Erika…ha! Oh fuck Whit is gonna be not so happy when she finds out…

OK yo…Sadjah is trying to find a bigger apartment with this girl she JUST started seeing like 2 days ago…Oh man…just perpetuate the bad stereotypes about dykes a little more, shall we? I don’t even think she’s fucked this Chanel girl yet…but her mom is straight out buggin’ over the fact that her daughter is a dyke and not hiding it on…wait for it…her Facebook! Come on people! Again, we are living in 2011, not 1911…

SF again…because really, this should just be called The Whitney show…Whit clearly had sex with this Jack girl she had had a fling with previously…Whit is being whiney (shocker) and then after Jack leaves her in the hotel room, she tells the camera that being with Jack is very ‘pleasant’. Is this a compliment?

Claire is attempting to land a gig in the fashion industry in LA. She worked for Calvin Klein in NYC…oh, and she sorta has an Asian flame in LA (Francine her ex whom she’s currently living with) and then Vivian, her Asian NYC girlfriend. This girl is actually so far the one with the LEAST drama through this episode. She kind of realized she was pissing off Francine by talking to or about Vivian anywhere near her, so now she’s relegated her chat sessions with her to parking on the side of the highway at a scenic overlook…owned! Vivian did NOT say I love you back…whoops! Claire better watch it or she won’t have any Asians to sleep with soon!

Sadjah and Chanel in the car yapping about Sadjah’s mom…’I’m not gonna take dick because you want me to,’ Fucking priceless…can we talk about how epic that would be if anyone actually ever said that to their mom?

SF. Again. Oh, the Mission District and The Castro…I really need to go there at some point in time. OK, so Rachel tagged along with Whit’s roommate Alyssa to go visit. Rachel is yet another one of Whit’s exes and she says right off the bat she wants to sleep with Whit in her hotel. Everyone figured Rachel would sleep with Whit, Whit’s bugging because she wants to keep shacking up with Jack in her hotel in SF. Alyssa is probably my favorite woman on this show and she’s not even gay…but she says it like it is and has maybe the best head on her shoulders. Rachel and Jack meet up…dun dun dun…Rachel now is all ‘woe is me’ because she realized Whit and Jack probably banged…well ladies, there is always the option of a threesome! (PS, I’m actually digging the level of sex they’ve been showing this season thus far)

Cori and Kacy again. They are throwing an insemination party? Seriously. For real. They drop the S bomb that they bought sperm. Coughs around the room. Kacy’s sister arrives…she’s like the exact opposite of Kacy. She says ‘you swallow it’ in regards to what you do with sperm. Yuck. Cut to everyone cooing over the photo of the donor. Kory’s sister agrees to be the child’s godmother…saccharine sweetness all around.

Romi and Kelsey again. At a dinner party. Romi is freaking because it’s her first night out with friends being sober. They are doing random sex questions at the dinner table. Romi laments that she doesn’t know how to be herself sober. She only knows how to be herself drunk. This is one of my least favorite things about being gay. Lots of people who are gay don’t seem to know how to BE without alcohol or drugs. Maybe I’m just weird because I’m a little off the charts energetic and spunky without any outside influence.

Sadjah and Chanel are going on their first ‘real’ date alone. They’ve become so symbiotic so fast. Yikes…I forsee nothing but trouble in their future. Chanel talks about how she always falls head over heels and she loves how much Sadjah is into her. So then Sadjah does this whole build up to asking Chanel to be ‘official’ and be her girlfriend…she does it via a note. Super cute…actually something I definitely did when I was like 19. Aaaaand she bought her a necklace? Sheesh! Where’s my woman buying me jewelry on a first ‘real’ date?

Oh hey, lets jump back to SF…Rachel is bitching about the Whitney situation. Alyssa is trying to explain that Whit is Whit and is doing her. Rachel basically is stating that she intends to go to the club and whore around to make Whit jealous…good play. With how egotistical Whit can be, that might work in her favor.

Romi is upset at the club because she’s sober and everyone else is drinking. Kelsey is once again buzzed. Romi is upset because Kelsey apparently is never as affectionate or honest with her when she’s sober.

SF at a gay bar…oh man…Rachel and Jack are getting buddy-buddy. Cut to Whit in her hotel seeming all pensive. She decided to stay in because she feels overwhelmed and confused. She opens up a little about her addictive personality…she seems to think she has a girl problem. She says she doesn’t want to bring Jack into her shit because she’s ‘a good girl’.

Romi drives home with Kelsey and calls her out on being drunk. Romi is apparently seeing a whole ‘nother side to everything being sober. Kelsey wants to bang, Romi puts her foot down because she feels like it wouldn’t be right. Kelsey basically demands it, then goes into the ‘you don’t want me to find someone else, do you?’ Way to be wicked passive aggressive. She wants sex. Sex, sex, sex. Lady, I feel you, but it is NOT OK to only want sex when you’re wasted…bet Romi gives in…now they’re home and sitting on the bed talki…oh, look at that…kissing…wait for it…wait for it…NAKED! Ha…I can so call these things…and wow! Scissoring? Really? Haha…yes! Ladies, we have a sex marathon, replete with squirting! FABULOUS!

SF, again. Whit realizes geography doesn’t cure everything and she can’t run away from her lady love issues…

Romi and Kelsey; the morning after. Post coitial blissfulness in bed. Sex really can and does make you feel better about things ladies!

Whit’s back home in LA…and goes to see Sara. Here we go again…Sara is giving it to Whit straight about how toxic they both have been for each other. Whit wants Sara to apologize to her for Hana…but hold up sweetheart, don’t forget about your many dalliances! Sara tells Whit she wanted to be her GF, but Whit can’t let her in. Sara says she wants to process things…Whit seems likes she’s trying to lay it on the table for Sara to take. Now Whit gets fed up with talking about things. God these two are so TOXIC. ‘I think we’re mutually addicted to each other.’ Brilliance! You think? Gade out on the two of them making out…

Wow…this show is so predictable and yet still so entertaining! Or maybe it’s only entertaining because I am yet again in a perpetual state of singledom? Meh.

Work Work Work

•June 19, 2011 • Leave a Comment

I am so bored at work right now. Seriously. It’s Father’s Day (which, whatever…but that’s a whole ‘nother story) and who is really going to call in with Voip issues when it’s gorgeous out and they’re supposed to be spending time with their daddies…or baby daddies.

I always enjoy that on days when we need more people working, there are never enough scheduled, but when it’s the weekend, there are almost always far, far too many reps scheduled…unless it’s a big pay per view night…the night of the Paquiao fight…man oh man there were nowhere near enough people scheduled at any of our call centers…

Days like today I don’t mind all that much…mostly because I feel like its sort of easy money…but I hate that I feel so bored. Being bored at work is like the worst thing that can happen to me…being bored at work leads to feeling tired and feeling tired leads to being cranky…and I try really hard not to be cranky at work because then the time just d r a g s on even longer! Neverending circle of suck there…

Also, I apparently give really good advice and literally wrote a script for someone at work today so they could break up with their S.O. because they didn’t know what to say to them. I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or a bad thing that people trust me to advise them in these situations or not…I’m going to choose to see this as a positive…going with my theme of personal positivity and projecting that energy out in the world in the hopes that I will get positive energy coming back.

Right now one of my coworkers keeps peering over the cubicle wall at me as I’m typing…he seems to be all curious about this whole blogging thing. He’s a good guy actually in kind of a balls situation here at work…I think positive things about him and for him all the time actually. I hope he reads this and smiles…

 

 

Silk

•June 19, 2011 • Leave a Comment

So a couple of years ago I (very briefly) dated this girl who was a vegetarian and lactose intolerant and she used to drink Silk all the time and I pretty much always refused to try it…then sometime last year on a whim I picked up a carton of chocolate when I was grocery shopping, and I never looked back. (Yes, this is all perfectly random info, but this is how I am…)

This seems to be an extremely common theme in my life…people around me are into something and encourage me to give it a go and I stubbornly refuse for a long time, and then one day I just decide to try said thing on my own and I usually end up liking it…but it always has to be on my own terms…if someone else tries to shove it down my metaphorical throat, I resist with all of my might. As I am a child of Scorpio, I can be quite stubborn, I assure you!

Case in point, non-typical cheeses and wine. While I have a slight allergic reaction to reds, I never really gave whites or blushes a chance…then last summer I decided to give champagne a go. Then riesling. Then prosecco. Then came trying different cheeses…brie was the first. Then chevre. Then buffalo mozzarella. This spring I jumped way out of my typical culinary comfort zone and tried duck confeit (albeit, the duck was on some gourmet nachos, but damn they were tasty!) and wild boar sausage. I’m still tiptoeing through the ocean of seafood, but we’ll see about that in the near future as well.

I’m really not sure why I stubbornly refuse to try things other people encourage me to try. It’s probably to my detriment in the long run. It’s one of those things I need to work on. I need to challenge myself in healthy ways from now on…rather than challenge myself with people who I should definitely not attempt to tackle. Better for my heart, wallet and psyche in the long run!

Not that I think being stubborn is innately a bad thing…it’s not. Being stubborn has actually been a good thing for me also. I’m loyal and nurturing and I will do everything in my power to help and protect the people I care about. Being stubborn has also enabled me to become a much more patient person over time.

I’ve made a promise to myself to be less stubborn with people who care about me…like trying things that might scare me or make me feel queasy…because maybe they’re not going to steer me wrong, and I know I’m definitely not always right about things. Like Silk. It’s pretty damn tasty. Trust me.

Check, Check One…

•June 19, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Whooo boy…I’m going to attempt this whole public blog thing…again! As part of my whole theme of focusing in on the small stuff and bringing about positive change to my life, I figured why not go public via the blogosphere again? So, here I am in all my infinitesimal glory.

And I’m kinda stoked that I spelled infinitesimal right the first time without spell check. Go me! =)

A couple of things…I don’t care who you share or don’t share this with, I am requesting feedback and comments (positive and negative…I know I sometimes have bold views!) and I welcome questions.

Also, I love music. Maybe I’m in love with music. Lyrics especially. So don’t be shocked or bored if a lot of my posts are titled songs or lyrics…that’s sort of me really. I tend to express myself through music. Music also inspires wild tangents of thought sometimes.

I’m sure I’ll probably write more than just this quick intro post tonight before I sleep, but I just wanted to kind of get this out of the way.

So hello, brave reader, and welcome to my sometimes awkward little world!