Naked

It feels like I have a bomb strapped to my chest sometimes when it comes to the fact that in a few short months I will indeed be thirty. Everyone has such a negative connotation to the age, and it’s seriously getting on my nerves!

I get told all the time I look extremely young for my age. Which, while flattering, also means a lot of people treat me differently until they find out how old I really am. Example: ‘You’ve got plenty of time to fall in love and settle down.’…then after they find out I’ll be thirty in the fall…’Oh wow. Well, you know, not everyone is cut out for marriage.’. I go from chin up comments to pitiful looks and uncomfortable comments.

Yes, I’m 29. I will be 30 in 4 1/2 months. Yes, I live with my parents (after a failed attempt to keep a home with someone who sort of asked me to marry them and a string of financial problems) in a small two bedroom apartment. No, I don’t know when or if I’ll be moving out alone. Yes, I have a low-paying job that doesn’t let me afford much beyond my (now seemingly ridiculous) car payment, insurance, cell phone and partial family bills. A year ago I was making twice what I am now, but I lost my job and it took me seven months to find this one, so if you have a problem with me not being able to spend a lot of money, eat it.

I am still an amazing person. I am quick-witted, thoughtful, kind, affectionate, pretty decent looking, and I love to drive fast. I’m not overly political. I read a lot. I like to learn on a daily basis. I’ve learned to take better care of myself…and that includes not only joining a gym, but eating better and not spending money frivolously anymore. I’m trying to be more selfish than I used to be because a lot of people have told me I pretty much used to let them walk all over me. They knew I’d always be there. Now people are hearing me say no a lot more…so that means I have fewer ‘friends’, but a lot more sanity.

It’s a blessing and a curse most people don’t think I look a day over 21, if that. (I get pegged as 22 or so when I wear short sleeves…tattoos apparently automatically make you early 20s) Its a blessing because I know people my age who look like they are 40+, and its a curse because I feel like no one takes me seriously because they think I’m really young, and I also feel like some people are jealous I look young when they find out how old I really am.

But the whole living at home and not having money thing is still a bitch. People are far too superficial to look past those two facts when I tell them I’m going to be 30, and I don’t feel like going into the whole explanation of how I ended up here at this age anymore…but it’s 3 steps really: Failed house owning/relationship, spent too much money on women/doctor bills/bankruptcy, lost my job last August. I don’t need pity or sympathy. Lots of people have had very similar stories these past few years…especially with the economy. I think I’m just more honest about it than most people are.

Alrighty…I think this is enough venting for now…time to hit the gym so I can try to whittle this body’s appearance down a couple more years!

~ by tatterednotes on June 30, 2011.

Posted in Life
Tags: 30, age, bankruptcy, career, family, gym, looks, love, money, relationships, tattoos, women