Say, Say, Say

Alright. I’m going to do it. I’m going to say things you’re just not supposed to say out loud. Save maybe to your therapist (of which I no longer have) or your pets.

Thing One: I miss being in a relationship. A real relationship. Not the basic mockeries of them that I’ve engaged in in the past few years. 3 weeks or even 3 months doesn’t qualify. Especially when one half of  that equation doesn’t believe in labels or relationships. Ick.

Thing Two: I’m never going to get ahead in life alone. Yup. I fucking said it. I’m trying to make a life for myself and trying to help support my parents at the same time. I’m never leaving home until and unless I have help. Lets face it. I make $11 an hour. Eleven fucking dollars. Basically half what I used to make. Oh, and yeah, my mom is getting ready to leave my dad. My unemployed, lazy as hell dad. So after needing to basically bleed my small as it was savings account dry to ensure we’ve got a place to live for another month, my mom is planning on saddling me with taking care of him. And their bills. And debt. Oh, plus my bills and making sure we both have a place to live and food in our bellies. Did I mention I’m 29 and I live with my fucking parents?!

Thing Three: Fuck anyone who decides to tell me I can’t be loved or have a girlfriend until I have my own home, a huge bank roll and savings and I do cosmetic thing A, B, and C. Eat it. All of it. I am a fucking amazing individual regardless of money or living situation. And getting my eyebrows waxed or my nails done is not going to make a difference. At least, it shouldn’t. If you can’t love me the way I am, I don’t want you or your love. No thanks.

Thing Four: I miss sex. Yup. I like sex. A lot. I like naughty, steamy, sheet-soaking, walking funny for a few days sex. Oh, and here’s a clue people, I am not a fucking Butch Top. But, if you happen to know one who I might click with on a whole lot of levels, let me know! Also, not all lesbians of a certain age are as experienced with certain sexual delicacies as you may think we are.

Thing Five: I miss people. People everyone tells me I shouldn’t. People who are probably very toxic. I still miss them. So there!

Thing Six: Just because you buy me dinner or drinks (this rarely happens by the way) does NOT mean I am going to fuck you or date you. Act accordingly and wipe that smug look off of your face. It’s unbecoming.

Thing Seven: I wish someone would take care of me a little. OK, maybe more than a little. Not necessarily financially (as nice as that could be for a short while) but emotionally and with some thought. Is it really so hard to imagine that maybe I might swoon a little over a random bouquet of flowers or breakfast in bed? Why are people so quick to just forget all the little things in life? They fucking matter. A lot. Especially to me. I’m not asking for a $45,000 Rolex encrusted with frozen tears of virgins or anything. Really. Honest.

Thing Eight: Smoking really fucking bugs the shit out of me. Even more so when you do it around me when you know I fucking hate it. I also really hate drinking a lot (I tend to stop at 3) and drugs. I’m not exactly a progressive Hippie or anything. I dabbled in college, but I am an adult now and don’t need to numb my mind or body to experience life.

Thing Nine: I don’t have a lot of friends and don’t need or want a lot of them. I am really perfectly fine with a somewhat quiet (some say boring) life. I just want a home, a partner, some pets and a handful of people I share important things with. I don’t need my phone to explode with texts or my Twitter and Facebook feeds gushing over with 9,856,824,312 friends and their comments. I like to invest time and energy into cultivating relationships. Sue me.

Thing Ten: I am not as innocent as people think I am. I am also not as slutty or experienced as people think I am. I am really flabbergasted by people’s need to place me into one extreme category or another. Yes, I am a Scorpio. Doesn’t mean I am a whore. In fact, because I am so heavily influenced by water signs and I am an ACOA, I am actually far more emotional than sexual…and as I mentioned earlier, I like sex. A lot.


~ by tatterednotes on July 13, 2011.

3 Responses to “Say, Say, Say”

  1. Beautifully written… nothing at all with knowing what you want, what you need, what you expect n desire!!!

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