525,600 Minutes
So much has happened since I last posted. I worked my ass off to earn some overtime at work, only to see all of that extra money just disappear in the blink of an eye because I had to do the brakes and an oil change on my car…and then discovered the water pump was leaking. Badly. Good-bye $1,000 in one transaction.
The situation with my father is tenuous at best. I said I was going up to Walmart today to pick up a few things (cheap candles, facial scrub and my B-12 sublinguals) and he goes, “I need a new lamp. Get me one.”, to which I replied I wasn’t paying for his lamp and he got all huffy. I’m not responsible for him. I’m not his mother or his wife, I’m his daughter. Maybe I would’ve responded differently if he at least made an attempt to find a job that I didn’t specifically tell him about. Maybe.
I tried to order some shoes online tonight on the Dr. Marten’s website, and it kept rejecting my order based on my address not matching what was on my credit card account. I tried the address 3 different ways and now there are 3 holds on my card from the 3 declined attempts. W.T.F.?!?!
I’ve been sick the past 4 days. Every time I think my fever is done and over with, it pops back up. I had called my Dr’s on Wednesday and they told me they had nothing open until this upcoming Tuesday because so many people have this virus that’s going around. So I’ve been trying to make due with just drinking loads of water and juice and eating basic stuff like bagels and butter and pasta with a little olive oil and garlic. Everything still seems to go right through me and I have to wonder if part of why I feel so bad is due to stress. It would make sense.
I’m even stressed about having called out of work on Wednesday because I literally couldn’t be away from a bathroom, that’s how sick I felt and was. I think I must’ve sweat through 6 t-shirts. It was gross. And in the middle of all of that I was trying to pay bills for my father and then I had a shocker guest show up on my porch. I know what you’re thinking. No, it wasn’t an ex-girlfriend (though many have been showing up in dreams lately) or someone with a nice fat check. It was this little guy:
You can do it!
He is wicked cute…and really drove my cats bonkers! I tried to catch him on Wednesday, but he disappeared before I could grab gloves and a cat carrier. I was literally in a feverish haze, sweating through my clothes, wandering around outside all around my apartment trying to find the little guy. I couldn’t find him, but I called a couple of animal rescue places and they all told me that the best thing to do would be to get him into a tree or a more wooded area if I could. Since he was fully furred and had a bushy tail, they all told me he should do fine on his own.
Well, on Thursday he cam back and I was prepared. I put on some work gloves so I wouldn’t transfer my scent onto the little guy and scooped him up. I swear he settled into my hands and made like and almost cat-like purr/thrum as I carried him over into the wooded area by my apartment. I felt so bad putting him into a tree and leaving him to his own devices, but I knew I wasn’t equipped to try to take him in space wise or knowledge wise.
I felt so guilty that today I bought a bag of squirrel feed. Because that’s just who I am. I’m the person that would give someone my last dollar, the last morsel of food in my cupboard, the shirt off my back, my bed to sleep in if they had nowhere else to go…and I’m also the kind of person that would totally rescue and adopt baby wild animals. (Yeah, insert a clever crazy cat lady joke here)
I have so much love in my heart and always want to do the right thing. I always put other people in front of me and believe in Karma. I’m waiting to reap the rewards of her return. With somewhat baited breath. Especially since the first person I truly fell in love with is getting married in just a matter of days. I really am happy for her. I am. She’s not the first of my exes to get married either. I guess it just hits a little harder because I fell in love with her almost half my lifetime ago. I know it sounds terrible, but I guess I’m trying to suss out why it isn’t me that has a love of a lifetime. Why I’m not getting married in front of my very small group of friends. Why I don’t get to experience the privilege of waking up next to someone that I’m more in love with at that moment than I was when I fell asleep with them the night before.
Yeah, I know. I’m being whiny and negative. I just want to feel that elation. I want the joy coursing through my veins. I want to share my heart, my soul and my life with someone special.
If that’s wrong, I don’t ever want to be right.
Naked 
I hope everything improves for you, Erika, including your stress levels and sickness. For the record, though, from what I understand, touching baby animals is dangerous for them because it’ll make their mother reject them. They typically leave them to die if they smell humans on them. I do understand how you feel about a romantic relationship as well. I want the same things, as do many people. That’s how it appears to me, of course. Anyway, feel better and take care. Oh, and GO SOX! Beat the Yankees! 🙂
They said as long as I wore thick gloves and did it quickly, scent transfer would be almost zero. Plus I sent a picture of him to three different people who all said he was big enough to make it on his own.
And thanks by the by.